She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize