I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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