I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
