Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
