Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
