hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ugly people sure do ruin things
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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