I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
