Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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