just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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