i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
