got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
