CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
