Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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