she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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