Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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