just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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