dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
