Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
