I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
