you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
