yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
