dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
