Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
