If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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