4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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