I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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