She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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