me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
