Banned from zoo.
Again?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
