I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
