You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
