I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
