OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
