I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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