Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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