Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
