she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
