why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
