I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
