Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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