you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
