I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
handjob tips. give me some.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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