Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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