My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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