He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
