Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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