My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
