this beer tastes like vomit already
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
