you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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