I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
