if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
