Only a mothe r could love this liver
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
