So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Of course I have a pirate flag
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
