So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
