i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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