...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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