When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
