I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
