There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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