never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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