There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
