did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
