Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
