aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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