Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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