my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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