I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
