You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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