Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
