Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
