I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize