defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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