let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
