i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
