About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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