i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
