I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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