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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize