Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
ttyl tear gas
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
