Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wear drunk well.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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