I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize