My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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