idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Congratulations! We have a period
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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