No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
