My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dicks are not precious.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
