im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
