I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize