Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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