When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
