Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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