i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize