Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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