I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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