Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
