He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
