Swine flu. Run for my life!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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