you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
