i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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