There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
