you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
