I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
