I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
