I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize