Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
