Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we made out on top of his cat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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