apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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