We named our party play list daddy issues
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm like, not good at living.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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