Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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