hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
