Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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