she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize