idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
