you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
