He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
