i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize