never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I won the penis lottery.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
