Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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