4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
