well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
