Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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