he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
